i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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