I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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