So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
