So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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