eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
