I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
