She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
