Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
