i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
