Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
