no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
