no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
