I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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