I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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