O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
