Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
