i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
