That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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