I heard we made out
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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