literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
