State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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