for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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