you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
