I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
