Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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