so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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