I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
