Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
