he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just high enough for therapy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
