So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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