also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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