Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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