I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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