we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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