The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
