Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
