I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
