Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
