Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
