I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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