there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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