I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
