she was so not down for the gang bang
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
