I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
