Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
