I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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