awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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