All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
