I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
