I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
