I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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