Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
