Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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