Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
