lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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