She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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