Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
