we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize