Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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