i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
