just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
