my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
