My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
