after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
