Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
