I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
