I wish I could teleport
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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