What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
